Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
