I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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