I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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