sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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