I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
