ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize