that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
