God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to calm my uterus...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
