If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
