Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you never un-have a 4some
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
