Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
