I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize