He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
