As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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