My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
