would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
