scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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