wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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