Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
