Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
