Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
