but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This baby is an asshole
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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