I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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