Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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