when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
