I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude i'm inner monologue high
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
