At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
