I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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