I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
