Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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