As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
