Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
