you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
