Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
