Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
