Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
