she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is the high leading the old right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
