its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
