3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
