Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
