I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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