I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
