I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
