Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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