Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
