I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
