the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
