i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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