Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
