It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
