Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I did not marry a roomba.
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