Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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