I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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