i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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