Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
