we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
