I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
