Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
