considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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