Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize