You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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