i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
