two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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