I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
