Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
