Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
