My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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