there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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