better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
