People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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