I'm going to jail i love you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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