Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
