I look better un-naked...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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